Gratitude

As we sat at the Thanksgiving table and my mom and stepdad spoke of all the things they are grateful for this year, my mind wondered towards my own many blessings.  Everyday I am grateful for my family, my friends, my health, my happiness, and overall wonderful life.  This year I am grateful for a lot more.


1) Time.  As I get older, time seems to go by faster and faster.  In light of all that has happened with my Dad, I have forced myself to live in each moment that I am with him or get to speak to him.  Most days, and most hours of each day, I live my life mindlessly.  That is, time goes by, I do my thing, and before I know it my alarm clock is reminding me to start the next day.  I try to take mental pictures of special moments with my girl and my biz but even then, sometimes the inertia of the day can take over.  Except when I talk to my dad.  We talk everyday (other than the days he's not feeling well and doesn't want me to hear the misery in his voice) and each time, I actively listen, feel, and memorize the moment.  It might seem crazy but I feel like the time we spend on each of those calls doubles when I live those moments so deeply.


2)  New life.  For years I have wondered which path my little sister Lucy would end up taking.  She has seemingly spiraled around finding a purpose since she was about 16.  This year, she gave birth to two new lives.  She created her own little miracle, a smiley boy named Ashton Carter and in doing so, she has given herself a new life.  She has found her purpose.  She has found her reason for being.  She has found a motive to be the best person she can be, despite all the forces trying to hold her down.


It's unbelievable how much a new life, a person who hasn't even spoken a word yet, can remind you of all the good and potential in the world.  As women, most of us spend our entire lives dreaming of having a baby even though we have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about ANY of the amazing joy that a baby brings.  We plan, prepare, and try...some of us for a year or more ;) SHMILY... to get pregnant all for something we don't even understand until it happens.


Just another affirmation of God's intention for women to become mothers.


3) Fernie.  This year of teaching has been extremely trying.  It seems that my students have been more apathetic than normal this year.  Motivation has been a huge problem.  With lack of motivation comes discipline problems.  So much that I have actually questioned my choice to stay in Hatch.  I come home frustrated and irritable and see myself and my fire for educating burning out quickly.  Then one day, during tutoring I had a conversation that reignited my flame.  It was a Thursday before a 3 day weekend.  Fernie is a Sophomore football player.  He came in tutoring everyday that week because he was desperate to get his grade up.  I had been on his case in previous weeks about his lack of effort and need to try a little harder.  I asked him if he was excited for the long weekend.


Fernie: Not really, I just have to work.
Me:  All three days?
Fernie:  Yeah
Me:  What time to you have to go in?
Fernie:  I go in at 7 and I'm done at 6..
Me: Wow!  At least you're making some pretty good money right?
Fernie:  Yeah... I guess...
Me:  Do you get to keep the money?
Fernie:  I get $10-$20 from each paycheck.
Me:  And your family keeps the rest?
Fernie:  Yep.


Here is Fernie: Goes to school, works over 30 hours each week, and doesn't even get to keep his money because his family needs it just to get by.
And here is me:  Fernie do your work.  Fernie try harder.  Fernie don't you care about your grade?  Blah blah blah.


I felt like such an idiot.  I've done nothing but bitch about my students all year and I lost sight of just how different they are from most.  They NEED me (me being an educator that can help them break the cycle, not me having an inflated ego).  Fernie NEEDS me to help him get through high school, get into college, and get to have a life where his children don't have to work just to put food on the table.


And so I'm grateful to Fernie for reminding me of why I love teaching in Hatch.


4) Gabby.  Gabby came into my class at the end of September.  Her parents are migrant farmers and she didn't speak any English at all.  From the first day of school she tried  harder than any student I have ever had the privilege of teaching.  She worked with a couple of sisters who are also the children of migrant farmers.  One spoke just a bit more English than Gabby and one spoke enough English to function in class.  The three girls also had varied levels of Math skills.  Gabby's was the strongest.  She was (is) the type of person that gets a problem wrong and will go over it and over it until she understands how to do it right.  I saw Gabby's report card and my class wasn't the only class she was successful in.  She had As and Bs in all classes.  At P/T Conferences I met Gabby's mother.  With my limited Spanish skills and the help of a translator, I told her that Gabby was a joy to have in my classroom.  She thanked me for teaching her daughter and gave me a hug.


This past Monday, a student brought me a sheet of paper to sign.  It was a withdrawal form for Gabby.  The field work that Gabby's parents do is over.  Gabby has to go back to Mexico.  I asked Gabby if there was ANY way she could stay...ANY family she could live with...ANY friends that would let her live with them.  She said that her entire family was leaving and she had to go with them.  I asked if she would be able to attend school in Mexico.  She said the school is too far from her home.  Gabby told me she would be in class on Tuesday but Wednesday she would be leaving.


Tuesday, before her class, I found an old Algebra I book that we aren't using (and I was sure no one even knew we had) to give to her.  I wrote her a note (in Spanish thanks to Google Translate!) that said, "I'm so sad to see you leave.  You are an intelligent, kind, and capable young woman.  Please take this book and try to learn while you are gone.  With education, you can be anything you want to be."  After lunch, her class filed in to my room.  Gabby wasn't there.  Her family decided to leave a day early.  I'm going to try to find another student that lives in her town and will be going home for Christmas.  Hopefully someone can give it to her.


Most of the students that leave in November come back in the spring.  They spend the rest of the year playing catch up.  They don't get any credits for the work they complete.  They are no closer to getting a high school diploma.


After meeting Gabby's mother, I knew instantly that she was a good person who loved her daughter very much.  I just wish that she (and the rest of the families) could realize the great disservice they are doing to their kids by not allowing them to finish what they start.  If they were able to stay and complete their diplomas, perhaps they could be the ones to break the cycle of going back and forth, chasing the work.


And so Gabby made me grateful that from the time I was able to speak and understand, there was someone constantly in my ear emphasizing the importance of education.  My Grandmother told me when I was about 7 that I WOULD go to college, even if she had to foot the bill herself.  There was never a question that I would be educated.  Not all children have the opportunity to get an education but even more sad to me is that there are people like Gabby that have the opportunity taken away.